End of year one!

It's finally the end of Year one I still cannot believe right now. After three weeks of studio project and so many months of hard work today mark the end of it. I'm feeling happy right now and sad at the same time. Happy because HOLIDAYS is here and sad because I'm going to year two soon and I will have to face new things and challenges. Year one have been a pretty tough and enjoyable ride for me. At first I was in animation course and transferred to interaction design I felt out of place and I don't even know any single person from my class. So it's sort of lonely and sad kind of thing whereby everyday after school I went home and not hanging out with the classmates. However, there is some kind soul like Afiqah she help me a lot at the start. I managed to hang out and be as one with her clique and don't really feel lonely anymore. Things started to get better after the first semester as I really became closer to my own clique and group of good friends that I can hang out with. Even though I'm bad at saying things and all but we still sort of can hang out together haha. I think this is something I really need to cherish a lot because without them I think I won't be able to go through this torturous year one. Thanks to them I went to places that I have never been and done things differently from what I used to did. I get very interested in the place they live and the culture that they have. it's like even though we are all living in Singapore everyone is different in different neighborhood. Example their usual hangout places, knowing whether the place there is safe and also the way they act and speak may also be different as well. I have so many things to be grateful for so I really LOVE them a lot!!!

 

Let's talk about the three torturous weeks of Studio project.  When I first know that we had to make a 30secs video on anything. I thought It will be easy since I'm not unfamiliar with editing and taking videos. However, after constant consultations and trying my best to improve my storyboard I know this is not a easy project as it seems to be. I was not confident of my own video during the presentation yesterday. As most of my classmates did very well for their video. Some did stop motion,flash digitally drawn or drawn by hand.  I thought my video cannot make it to the teacher's expectations. Instead their comments gave me a shock saying that I capture the thing correctly etc. Even though I supposed to be happy upon hearing this but I kept on telling myself not to be too happy yet. Sometimes what the teacher says may turn out to be different from the grades you get. If I keep my hopes up so high now I think I will be sad if the grade is not what I expected.

During these three weeks I got sick having fever, cough and headache. It was so hard for my body as I'm physically tired. So tired that I felt like giving up I even re-film one part of my video when I am still sick so it's super hard for me. I also felt being left out by my sec school clique even though I know I'm busy and I can't spend time with them. But when I'm sick no one told me to take care or whatever not a single concerned is given out to me. I tweet about it showing how much pain I'm in yet nth happened. So, I got sad and emotional I think friends is something that we need to work together on not just one person as it takes two hands to clap. The funny thing is until I tweet about things about my memories which is my memories with them and all is no longer the same and also some other tweets. Someone start to care about me asking if I'm alright. The thing is I'm not alright even though I say they are just tweets. Like seriously after so long you ask me if I'm alright? Should I just say it directly that those tweets is directed to you guys that make me feel lost and abandoned? How I don't know why I feel this way but I thought we are friends that's what I thought. When you are sick and you tweet it on twitter I tell you to get well soon and drink more water and really care about you. So, what about me? I guess I'm not such a good friend that qualify for your concern? Or is it because I don't exist in your life at all? Such things disappoint me it really does. Even though I don't hang out too much with them but my heart will be there...or should I just throw it away? This is so irritating friends things that I cherish yet people took it for granted. So many years together but It seems like we don't even know each other.

No matter how loud I speak my voice can never be heard, my heart is tearing but no one know a thing.